


Return

by wrackwonder



Series: Home [6]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 19:25:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9672698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrackwonder/pseuds/wrackwonder
Summary: Waverly can't reach Nicole. She doesn't even know where to start...





	

“Are you _insane_?”

 

As an Earp, it wasn’t rare to hear the word tossed casually from the mouths of strangers. Wynonna was insane. And daddy had been insane. Mama had been insane too, probably. But to hear the accusation from Nicole? To see her wife standing there, furious, eyes wild and confused and stubborn, it set Waverly’s teeth on edge.

 

“No, Nicole, but thanks for the support!”

 

“Support?” Nicole flung both hands in the air, palms up, “Waverly, you’re carrying around a flame thrower and there’s a tank of gas strapped to your back. What else would you call this but insane?”

 

“Armed!” Waverly shot back. She could vaguely hear Wynonna calling for her from across the lot.

 

“Well, you can’t go out like that.”

 

“I _can’t_? Excuse me?”

 

“I’m your wife and I say - ”

 

“And you better stop right there Nicole Haught,” Waverly growled, grip tightening on the large, metallic rifle in her hands.

 

“You _just_ had surgery,” Nicole tried and Waverly felt herself further enraged.

 

“No, actually, I did not, _just_ have…”

 

“Where’s Wynne?”

 

And there it was. Nicole’s attachment to their youngest had at first been sweet. They’d spend so much time at the hospital that by the time he came home a month later, Nicole would sooner shoot herself in the foot than leave his side. Except, her wife had stopped sharing their bed. Or their family, really. Nicole went to work and came home and immediately took Wynne from wherever he was. She slept by his cradle and paced the house in the night and Waverly was starting to let her annoyance boil over.

 

“He’s with Gus. You know that.”

 

“You left him with Gus?” Nicole sounded confused and Waverly swallowed the sarcasm she was about to unleash.

 

“Babe, it’s Thursday. The kids are always there on Thursday.”

 

“You can’t just leave him with Gus, Waverly” Nicole was shaking her head, already turning towards her cruiser.

 

“Umm, yes, we can. We did last week!”

 

“What if he stops breathing? Or his blood pressure bottoms out? God, Waverly, how can you be so irresponsible?”

 

“ _Excuse me_?”

 

The sound of screeching tires broke their increasingly tense standoff as Wynonna wheeled the truck around the lot.

 

“Waves!” she yelled, her tires sending dust and dirt flying in the air, “We gotta jet! Gorgon in the public pool! Bring sunglasses!”

 

Waverly tugged the straps against her shoulders turning towards her sister.

 

“You’re going?” Nicole looked defeated and tired, but Waverly was too annoyed to take a breath and deal with her wife. There was a freaking gorgon in Purgatory and knowing the town’s residence, at least half were likely permanently turned to stone. Which, in retrospect wasn’t such a terrible thing…

 

“Of course I’m going. This is what we do, Nicole.”

 

Before Nicole could respond, the radio from her cruiser crackled to life and Purgatory’s sheriff sighed heavily.

 

“I have to go,” she said.

 

“Me too,” was all Waverly could muster. She felt like she was missing something in this exchange, like something wasn’t making sense. But Nicole was already halfway to her car and Wynonna was leaning heavily on the horn. There was no time to decipher the mystery that was her wife. Not when an ancient Greek monster was wreaking havoc on her town. Not on her watch.

 

~*~

 

Waverly distractedly ran her fingers along the remains of her left eyebrow, looking out at what had previously been Purgatory’s only public park. It now looked something like the pictures she’d seen from WWI – all trenches and rubble. The trenches had come from the tank Dolls commandeered from Black Badge. The rubble was the remains of the gorgon. Mostly.

 

“It doesn’t look _that_ bad,” Wynonna insisted, squinting in Waverly’s direction.

 

“Nicole will be pissed.”

 

“Whatever. I’m surprised she didn’t show up. She loves this shit.”

 

Waverly scowled deeply, watching as Ms. Nelson hobbled away from the charred remains of a tree. The town’s beloved librarian was covered in a layer of dust, the only evidence that not thirty minutes before, she’d been a victim of the gorgon’s gaze.

 

“I have no idea what she loves anymore,” Waverly mumbled more to herself than her sister. Except Wynonna noticed and frowned.

 

“She still acting weird?”

 

“You mean the not sleeping in our room, wandering the house at all hours, never letting anyone else hold Wynne, freaking out over _everything_ , still weird? Yeah. Still weird.”

 

“Well, honestly? I can’t really blame her.” The two sisters slowly made there way to the park’s last standing bench. Sitting down, Waverly shot her sister a curious glance.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Baby Girl, aren’t you supposed to be the smart one here?” Wynonna playfully bumped shoulders with Waverly.

 

“Hey, no one disses my big sister in front of me.”

 

Wynonna smirked.

 

“It’s just…Wynne’s birth was pretty traumatic. Especially for her.”

 

Waverly thought for a moment. Her memory from that day was foggy. She knew she had collapsed, but once she’d recovered from surgery, her focus had been entirely on Wynne and then the kids. There hadn’t been much time to ponder what had happened to her, let alone what Nicole had gone through.

 

“Tell me,” Waverly asked. Maybe it was time to open that door.

 

“I wasn’t there when she found you,” Wynonna shifted uncomfortably, obviously struggling with her own memories. “But by the time I got to the hospital? She was covered in blood. I mean, it looked like she’d taken a haemoglobin shower.”

 

Waverly winced. She hadn’t questioned Nicole’s scrubs that day. She hadn’t thought much about what it must have been like for Nicole at all.

 

“Was she…okay? Like…not _okay_ , but…”

 

“Did she turn into a zombie and nearly spend all day crying?”

 

Waverly could only nod, already feeling the guilt eat away at her. She’d been so focused on Wynne and her own recovery. How could she have forgotten Nicole in all of this?

 

“Listen, Waves. Your wife is strong. Crazy strong. But that day was awful. We thought you were dead, we thought Wynne was dead…”

 

“Wait, they didn’t update you?”

 

“Not really. Took hours. All we could do was wait around.”

 

Waverly sat back heavily and exhaled. She let the information roll around in her head, trying to picture the scene. What Nicole had been through that day, the blood, the fear. She remembered the day Nicole had been shot, she remembered her own terror, and suddenly the air felt too cold and the flamethrower sitting across her knees felt too heavy.

 

“I think I should go home,” Waverly said. The sky had grown black and she wondered how late it was. How long had she spent outside chasing monsters while her wife was apparently battling her own demons. Alone. In secret.

 

“You sure? Dolls and I are heading to Shorty’s,” Wynonna was already moving off the bench. Waverly shook her head and reached out her hand for the keys to Wynonna’s truck.

 

“Dolls will drive you home?”

 

“Only if I’m good.”

 

They hugged and Wynonna placed both hands on Waverly’s shoulders giving her a reassuring squeeze. And then she turned, a flask in her hand that seemingly appeared from nowhere, and Waverly watched her meet Dolls in the middle of the street. Doc had been gone for months. There had been no word, but Wynonna and Dolls were standing so close under the stars that Waverly found herself wishing for… _something_. Her heart hurt and she wanted to make things right with Nicole. More than that, she just wanted Nicole in that moment more than she wanted the oxygen in her lungs. So she picked up the now empty tank of gas from the ground, swung it over shoulder, and started the long walk to the truck.

 

~*~

 

The homestead was silent by the time Waverly arrived. She took a moment outside the truck to look up, admiring the stars as they pressed down against the mountains. Her home was beautiful, her life was beautiful, or at least it had been a short time ago.

 

Nicole’s cruiser was parked out front and Waverly run her fingers over its side paneling. At least she knew her wife was safe at home. She was likely in Wynne’s room, sleeping on the hard floor. Waverly could only sigh and leave the stars behind.

 

She didn’t bother turning on the kitchen light, nor did she make a stop in her bedroom. Her hair was full of dust and pebbles, her face covered in ash – all she wanted was a shower and then her bed. But facing another night without Nicole was feeling daunting so she took her time under the hot spray, letting her conditioner set, watching as the skin on her fingertips wrinkled. When the water began to cool, she reached for a towel and then a t-shirt Nicole had left on the counter. It smelled like her wife and Waverly pulled up the collar, sniffing it deeply. Vanilla and just a hint of gun smoke.

 

Wyatt had fallen asleep with a book on his chest again and Willa had kicked off her blankets so Waverly dutifully took care of her children. She ran her fingers through Wyatt’s red hair, smiling as the corner of his lips turned up. She carefully moved Willa’s lag back onto the mattress and stifled a laugh at the tiny, sleepy frown that suddenly appeared on her daughter’s features.

 

She had to brace herself before entering Wynne’s nursery. She knew Nicole would be there – sleeping on the floor or peering into the crib. She wasn’t sure if she was ready yet, but she wanted to see her baby. And she wanted to see her wife. So pushing open the door as quietly as possible, she tip-toed in, ready to greet a sleepy, and likely angry Nicole. Except Nicole wasn’t in the nursery. She wasn’t on the floor or in the rocking chair. The only person in the room was Wynne and he was busy being a sleeping baby.

 

If Nicole wasn’t in the nursery and she wasn’t creeping around in the kitchen and her car was in the front yard…

 

Waverly pressed her hand quickly to Wynne’s back, taking one selfish moment to feel his little lungs fill and release. And then she dashed from the room, trying to silently walk down the hall and into her own bedroom.

 

Because if Nicole wasn’t with Wynne…

 

Purgatory’s Sherriff was fast asleep on the far side of the bed, lying on her side and facing the door. Waverly felt her heart stutter, as she gingerly climbed under the covers beside her wife. It had been weeks since she’d had Nicole beside her, weeks since she’d been allowed to touch Nicole, to even really _look_ at Nicole. She lay down, facing the woman next to her, their bodies a mirror image, and let herself study the familiar features. There was enough moonlight in the room that Waverly could make out Nicole’s pale skin, but the shadows beneath her eyes were not caused by the lunar glow.

 

Nicole looked thin. Her cheekbones were slightly _too_ pronounced and Waverly could just make out the sharp line of wife’s collarbone peeking out from the shirt she’d worn to bed. Too thin and too tired. Nicole was frowning in her sleep, troubled, and Waverly reached out, wanting to ease her wife, wishing she could provide some comfort. She luxuriated in the feel of Nicole’s body beside her. In the warmth beneath the blankets, the slight movement each breath caused against the mattress. Waverly touched the pads of her fingers to Nicole’s cheek, not stroking, a suggestion of a touch, and let her breathing even out, matching her wife’s. She could feel herself drifting, feel herself giving into this false moment of safety and comfort, feel herself reacting to the familiarity of Nicole…

 

“WAVERLY, WAKE UP!”

 

The door slammed open and cracked against its frame, sounding like a gunshot suddenly ringing in the small, dark bedroom. Waverly startled awake, nearly choking with shock, while Wynonna barged in, wild and scared and _loud_. Before Waverly could fully take in the situation, Nicole was up, torn from whatever temporary relief sleep had granted, and in a moment of obvious confusion, she leapt over Waverly’s body and landed on the floor, her knee hitting the wood with a resounding _crunch_.

 

“Nicole!” Waverly winced as her wife gasped in pain, but it was too late. Nicole fumbled about, rising to her feet and pushing past Wynonna.

 

“You woke up the baby!” she said, limping out the door, and Waverly could only reach out helplessly and then turn to face her sister.

 

“Wynonna, what the hell?”

 

“I fucked up. I fucked up so bad!”

 

“Obviously, you can’t just…”

 

“I slept with Dolls.”

 

Where seconds before the room had been noisy, all sound stopped. Waverly sat back, eyes wide, and she opened her mouth once to speak before realizing she had no idea what to say.

 

“Waves. Did you hear me?” Wynonna seemed desperate.

 

“Yeah, I mean. Okay. Wow.”

 

“I can’t believe I did that!”

 

“Seriously? It’s the most predictable thing you’ve done this week,” Waverly said, shifting under the covers. She was trying to focus on Wynonna – who was busy pacing the room – but all she wanted was to go drag Nicole back into bed.

 

“Predictable?”

 

“Nicole totally owes me twenty bucks and some other…things…”

 

“You made a sex bet on whether I’d sleep with Dolls?”

 

Waverly pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. It was tempting to make some biting remark about how _that_ would never happen because Nicole hadn’t so much as looked at her since Wynne’s birth. Except that wasn’t fair. To Nicole. Or Wynonna. Or even herself. She tried to shake away the ghost of Nicole’s presence, tried not to remember how right it felt to feel Nicole’s knee pressed against her thigh under the covers. But Wynonna was wearing skid marks into the hardwood floor and she looked spooked so it was time to put aside the longing wife and don her concerned sister hat. Wherever she had left it…

 

“Sit down, Wynonna.”

 

“But…”

 

“Please, you’re making me sea sick. Just sit.”

 

Wynonna obeyed, gingerly setting herself down beside Waverly on the mattress. She immediately started playing with the rings on her fingers.

 

“So…was it good?”

 

“ _What_?” Wynonna nearly jumped off the bed before Waverly grabbed her by the shoulder.

 

“The sex…you wouldn’t be flipping out if it was bad, right? Or maybe you would be?”

 

“No, no, it was…I mean, shit…”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“ _Oh_ ,” Waverly nodded and Wynonna’s eyes seemed even more wild and unsure than they had moments before.

 

“Can you stop doing the Yoda thing, Waves? Because I am _freaking_ out right now.”

 

“It was more than sex, wasn’t it?”

 

“No, it was sex, Waves. S. E.X.”

 

“But, it meant more than _just_ sex, right?” Waverly said, squeezing Wynonna’s shoulder. Her sister had suddenly turned bright red.

 

“Oh…god…don’t say it!”

 

“It was - ”

 

“No!”

 

“ _makin’_ \- ”

 

“Nope! No!”

 

“ _Love_.”

 

Wynonna gagged at the expression and leaned over. It looked like she was about to vomit on Waverly’s floor, which was so not the way Waverly wanted the night to go. Scooting over, Waverly pulled her sister up and gave her a soft, reassuring pat on the back.

 

“Hey, Wynonna, it’s okay.”

 

“No it’s not.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I don’t do _that_ , Waverly. I never have.”

 

“I hadn’t either, before Nicole, I mean.” Of all nights, Waverly really did not want to be reminded of the first time she realized sex could be more than just sex. She didn’t want to think about how she had found herself breathless beside Nicole, slightly teary-eyed and embarrassed over her emotions. She didn’t want to remember how Nicole had smiled down at her, how she had reached up and pulled her then girlfriend to her, needing that contact, needing the reassurance that she was still safe after what they had shared.

 

“You and Nicole are different. You guys are in love, you’ve been in love forever. Dolls and I…it wasn’t supposed to mean anything.”

 

“But it did.”

 

Wynonna nodded and Waverly could tell that her sister was scared. It could be terrifying, she remembered her own fear. Her own realization that somehow, without words, she and Nicole had just had an entire conversation. How their bodies had spoken where language failed. And it was with a sudden, sharp understanding that Waverly realized quite how much she was missing her wife. Nicole’s hands told her that she was loved. Nicole’s mouth told her that it would be forever. Nicole’s eyes promised her happiness. Nicole’s hips gave her safety. And without them, Waverly felt so cold and so afraid and so isolated.

 

“Wynonna, it’s okay to be scared.”

 

“This is bad, Waves.”

 

“Because of Doc?”

 

Wynonna nodded again.

 

“Do you love Xavier? Or Henry?”

 

“Is it bad that I have no fucking clue?”

 

“No,” Waverly stroked Wynonna’s hair, feeling an ache in her chest for her sister’s confusion. “But I do think you need to think about some things. Take some time to figure out who you want, or what you want.”

 

“What if I love them both?”

 

“Then you love them both.”

 

“And if they both leave? If I lose them?”

 

Wynonna had never been more vulnerable, never more open, and Waverly wished she could offer some more comfort. But her sister had been in this dance for years and it was past time for something to give.

 

“What are you going to do about Nicole?”

 

The question came from the vicinity of Waverly’s shoulder, where Wynonna had tipped her head down. Her sister was obviously deflecting, but Waverly didn’t mind because for the first time in a long time, she had clarity. Unlike Wynonna, she knew what she wanted. She knew _who_ she wanted.

 

“First I’m going to make sure you get some sleep,” Waverly started, ignoring Wynonna’s humourless “ha!”

 

“Then I’m going to get my wife back in this room and we are going to talk. And I’m going to make sure her knee isn’t broken.”

 

“You’ve always been the smart one,” Wynonna said. She detangled herself from Waverly’s arm and sat up straight.

 

“Not lately…”

 

“Earp blood. Makes us dense.”

 

“Good cheekbones, though.”

 

“Totally.”

 

Wynonna leaned over again and pulled Waverly into a hug. They sat like that for a moment, taking strength from each other, and then Wynonna stood, nodding her head and jamming her hands into her jean pockets.

 

“You going to bed?” Waverly asked.

 

Wynonna shrugged.

 

“May climb in with Willa.”

 

“Are you using my daughter as a teddy bear?”

 

“I mean…the barn is so cold and lonely…”

 

“And Dolls is likely to look for you there first thing in the morning,” Waverly said with a cheeky grin. Wynonna rolled her eyes and shrugged again.

 

“Go get that wife of yours.”

 

Waverly tossed back the sheets. The room was cool against her bare legs.

 

“Hey, Wynonna?” she said, meeting her sister in the doorway.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I’m glad that tonight happened for you. I know you’re scared,” she began, ignoring Wynonna’s frown, “But…it’s special. And not everyone gets to have it.”

 

She left Wynonna in the hallway, pleased to see the introspective look on her sister’s face. And turning to Wynne’s room, Waverly set her sights on the night’s next task. Getting Nicole back into their bedroom. Getting Nicole back from whatever darkness had taken her. Just…getting Nicole _back_.

 

~*~

 

The sight of Nicole leaning over Wynne’s crib was not surprising. It’s where she had stood vigil for weeks. But tonight it angered Waverly. It made her feel irrationally scared.

 

“Nicole, please come back to bed,” she said, wrapping her arms around herself.

 

“I can’t. Wynne needs me.” Nicole’s intonation was flat and she didn’t turn to look at Waverly. She didn’t move at all.

 

“No, Wynne is sleeping. You need to come back to bed.”

 

“What if he…”  


“Nicole. Please.” She didn’t want to beg, but she could feel it rising in her chest. She just wanted to grab Nicole by the shoulders and shake her. Instead, she watched helplessly as her wife’s shoulders sank, as her fists tightened on the edge of the crib. It looked like Nicole was fighting herself, fighting her need to stay with Wynne and fighting Waverly’s words.

 

“Nicole,” Waverly said again, “ _please_.”

 

Nicole let go of the crib, then, but even as she turned, she kept her head bowed and her shoulders hunched. She silently followed Waverly from the room and Waverly could tell that each step away from Wynne was a torture. She could _hear_ Nicole’s breathing increase as they walked, the quiet hallway punctuated by sharp intakes of breath from her wife’s lungs. When they reached their bedroom, Nicole made a beeline to the dresser, standing as far away from Waverly and the bed as she could.

 

“Is your knee okay?” Waverly decided to start with something neutral. Nicole looked like a child about to be punished.

 

“Fine,” Nicole answered, even though Waverly could see a dark purple smudge on her wife’s normally pale kneecap.

 

“You don’t…I mean…Nicole, nothing is _fine_.”

 

Her wife usually stood tall and confident and proud. She had a way about her, a languid self-assurance in her every movement. Waverly had found it alluring the first time they’d met. And then she’d found it impossibly sexy every day after that. Nicole moved through life with her head held high, her shoulders back. Even on their darkest days, Nicole was brave and strong and bold. She could be vulnerable with Waverly one second, and tough as steel with a revenant the next. It was miraculous and beautiful and very much the opposite of how she stood now.

 

Nicole seemed almost hunched over, stooping, her hands busy with the hem of her long t-shirt. With her head dipped, Waverly couldn’t see her eyes, but it was as if her wife’s entire body was vibrating, fidgeting. It was like Nicole couldn’t stand still, but she was trying to and failing badly. Waverly could feel the anxiety coming off Nicole – it filled their bedroom and made Waverly light headed.

 

“Nicole?”

 

“Wynne needs…”

 

“No,” Waverly said, “Wynne doesn’t need you right now. _I_ need you.”

 

“Waverly…”

 

“Where are you?” Waverly could hear the desperation in her own voice, but pressed on. “You’ve been distant for weeks. You don’t look at me or spend any time with me. You haven’t said ‘I love you’ in so long that I can’t even remember the last time…”

 

“Waverly…”

 

“ _Stop saying my name!”_

 

Nicole swallowed hard and Waverly hated how needy this was all making her feel. She hated how many times she had used the word _me_ in the last thirty seconds.

 

“Something is wrong, Nicole. You don’t sleep. You don’t eat. You don’t let anyone touch Wynne…”

 

“Because it’s dangerous!”

 

“No, it _was_ weeks ago. But Wynonna? Or Gus? You take him out of my arms so quickly that I barely get to see his face anymore!”

 

Waverly tried to still her anger. It wouldn’t help, but she was scared and tired and Nicole looked like a caged animal across the room.

 

“Where _are_ you? What’s going on in that head? Because I miss you, Nicole. I miss you so much and you’re standing right in front of me.”

 

“You think I don’t miss you?” Nicole’s voice held an edge of hysteria, but it was _something_.

 

“What do you…”

 

“ _You left me! You left me all alone and now all I do is miss you!”_ Nicole was shaking now, her voice filled with anguish and rage as she collapsed onto her knees. There were tears streaming down her face and her whole body seemed to shake.

 

“No, sweetheart, I…”

 

“You left me,” Nicole repeated, “you left me.”

 

Waverly crouched down and carefully sat across from her wife. She folded her legs beneath her, but didn’t reach out to touch Nicole, who had crumpled into a heap on the hardwood.

 

“I’m right here, Nicole.”

 

“Everyday I walk into this house and I see the blood. _Everyday_.”

 

Waverly swallowed hard and nodded.

 

“Wynonna told me, about Wynne’s birth, and how you found me, “ she said.

 

“You died, you were dead,” Nicole was crying harder, her face nearly as red as her hair.

 

“No, baby, no.”

 

“You were dead when I found you. No pulse, you weren’t breathing. You left me and I didn’t now what to do.”

 

“But I’m here, Nicole. I’m alive, see?” Waverly reached out her hand, offering her wrist to Nicole. She hoped her wife would take it, feel the reassuring beat of her pulse and feel calm. But Nicole didn’t move, she seemed fixated on the floor and her own hands.

 

“I wanted to die.”

 

The words were so soft, nothing more than a whispered confession, but Waverly heard them so loudly that she almost fell backwards. This time she did reach for Nicole, cupping her outstretched hand against a warm, wet cheek.

 

“No, baby,” she said, trying to smooth away the tears with her thumb.

 

“When I thought you were dead, when I thought Wynne was dead…I wanted to die. I didn’t think about the kids, I just wanted to be with you. And I don’t know how to live knowing that about myself.”

 

Waverly crawled forward and then pulled her weeping wife closer. Nicole fell against her and it was the first time they had touched since Wynne was brought home from the hospital.

 

“It’s okay, Nicole.”

 

“I can’t stop thinking about it. The blood. I want to, but I can’t.”

 

“Oh, sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“Because every time I look at you I get scared. That I’m gonna lose you. Or Wynne.”

 

“But we’re both here with you, baby, we’re both okay.”

 

“It’s my fault,” Nicole whispered into Waverly’s shoulder, “I wanted another baby.”

 

Waverly lowered her face against Nicole’s back and breathed her in. She had wondered if that was the root cause of her wife’s behaviour, if some misplaced guilt had wormed its way in, torturing Nicole day in and day out.

 

“Nicole, _we_ wanted another baby. Do you think I would have agreed if it was something I didn’t want?”

 

When there was no response, Waverly shook her head and kissed the t-shirt covered back beneath her lips.

 

“I’m here. And Wynne is here. And you’re safe, sweetheart. You didn’t do anything wrong. You saved us both.”

 

“You were dead…”

 

“No, baby, no.”

 

“Waverly, what’s wrong with me?”

 

It took a moment for Waverly to adjust her position. She wanted Nicole to feel safe, to feel protected, so she moved, pulling her wife into her arms so she could rock her gently back and forth. She looked down at her open, sad face and kissed her forehead over and over. She couldn’t stop placing soft kissing on Nicole’s hair, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, she’d missed contact for so long, now she was starving for it.

 

“You saw something really horrible and you felt something even worse,” Waverly said, holding Nicole to her chest like she would rock Wynne before bedtime.

 

“I think sometimes the brain just can’t heal as quickly as the rest of us. I think what you saw hurt you, sweetheart, and I think you need to get some help.”

 

Nicole pursed her lips and frowned that funny little, frustrated frown she had when things didn’t go her way.

 

“I don’t know,” she said.

 

Waverly nodded and kissed Nicole’s forehead again, sighing in relief when her wife snuggled against her. At least they were talking. At least they were touching. At least Nicole was beside her and with her and back from wherever it was she had gone.

 

~*~

 

Later as they lay next to each other in bed, Waverly felt Nicole stir against her chest. She brushed back thick, auburn hair and frowned slightly to see Nicole still awake.

 

“Waves?” Her voice was soft and hoarse from the tears.

 

“Yeah, honey?”

 

“Will you come with me…to the doctor?” There was a warm hand on Waverly’s hip, squeezing gently, but Nicole’s forehead felt clammy when Waverly found it with her lips.

 

“Of course,” Waverly said. Nicole seemed to settle again, but her eyes did not close and Waverly reached up, cradling Nicole’s head to her chest. She wished she could take away the pain, the injury, the memory of Wynne’s bloody birth. But she was also grateful that this day had ended with Nicole in her arms instead of Nicole distant and alone, pacing the homestead in search of relief or forgiveness. And as Nicole fought sleep, Waverly held her tighter, praying that some of the relief and forgiveness her wife wanted could be earned in this moment, in their bedroom, in their shared heartbeats.

 

~*~

 

The bed was still warm, but Waverly knew it was empty before she even opened her eyes. Still, she blinked and reached out, rubbing her palm against Nicole’s side of the bed. Her wife had slept tucked beneath Waverly’s chin, childlike and frightened with a permanent frown on her usually serene features.

 

Waverly sighed deeply and tried not to give into her disappointed. The bed was warm, Nicole _had_ been there not long ago, which meant that she had spent the night in Waverly’s arms instead of wandering the homestead. Still, last night had shaken Waverly. She felt scared and angry with herself and relieved. Because Nicole had at least talked to her, had at least opened her mouth and expressed her feelings and her fears. It was a start, hell, it was a win and Waverly was going to take it.

 

She slipped on her robe, but just as she was about to turn down the hall to wake up the kids, she stopped. Because there were noises coming from downstairs. _Happy_ noises. And she could smell bacon. And coffee. Which meant that someone was making both bacon _and_ coffee. Waverly nearly ran down the stairs at the thought, but found herself stopping again, dead in her tracks.

 

Dolls was responsible for the bacon. His back was turned and he was busy on the stovetop. Wynonna was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, facing away from Dolls with a look of pure terror on her face. But it was the scene on the couch that had Waverly wanting to cheer from her perch on the stairs.

 

Wyatt held Wynne in his arms. Nicole was behind him, her arm providing extra security for the baby, but she was actually letting Wyatt hold Wynne. And Willa was leaning over the three of them with a bottle, carefully feeding her baby brother under Nicole’s guidance. Waverly could not believe it. Her face hurt from smiling. She knew they had a lot of work to do. She knew this was only a beginning. But it all felt so _normal_ and she had missed normal.

 

Nicole’s hair had fallen into her eyes, but she seemed to be smiling. She still looked thin and Waverly could tell just from her breathing that she was nervous, but the kids looked so happy and so excited.

 

“Like this, Mama?” Wyatt looked up with his serious little face, tiling his arm slightly.

 

“Perfect, buba,” Nicole said, leaning down to kiss the boy’s head.

 

Willa was nearly bouncing on the couch, but she held the bottle to Wynne’s mouth and somehow managed to keep her little hands steady.

 

“Is Wynne gonna puke?” She asked and Waverly stifled a laugh. Willa was not entirely sold on her little brother.

 

“Hopefully not,” Nicole said. She was always so patient with her babies, so kind. But it had been so long since they’d been together as a family, since Nicole had spent much time with them. Waverly breathed it all in, her sister, Dolls, Nicole and her babies all together on the couch. She wanted to join them, but she also wanted to just _look_ and feel the relief of the moment.

 

The bacon popped and sizzled in its skillet and Wynonna’s cup scrapped against the wood table in time with the softly ticking clock on the wall. And that’s when the door slammed open with a _bang_ and everyone jumped, the scene shattered as Doc Holliday stepped inside.

 

“Hello there,” he said, doffing his hat, and Waverly felt her eyes grow painfully large. She looked from Doc to the couch, where Nicole had managed to catch Wynne and press him to her shoulder as the baby cried from the sudden, loud noise. Her wife’s eyes matched her own and even better, Nicole was looking right at her, mouth hanging open, lips turned up in the tiniest hint of a smile. Waverly was so overwhelmed by the morning scene, so surprised by Nicole, that she nearly missed Wynonna’s “ _oh shit_ ” as her cup tipped over and the _thump_ of Doll’s spatula hitting the ground.

 

“Seems I’m interrupting…” Doc was no fool and he looked around from Dolls to Wynonna to Waverly and Nicole who were in some sort of awkward staring contest.

 

“Doc, you gotta be shhhhh!” Willa looked entirely unimpressed, likely because Wynne was busy crying against his Mama’s shoulder.

 

“Apologies, Miss Willa,” he bowed slightly, eyes never leaving Wynonna’s startled face. It was only when he crossed the room and stretched out his arms that Waverly and Nicole stopped staring at each other.

 

“May I?” Doc asked, hands reaching towards Wynne. The previous awkwardness was replaced with worried glances and an uncomfortable silence. Nicole seemed to cling to Wynne, eyeing Doc’s hands with suspicion. Even the kids seemed to know something was off, as Wyatt rested one hand on Nicole’s shoulder and Willa leaned forward, letting her cheek press against’ Nicole’s arm.

 

For her part, Waverly had crossed the room, prepared to make excuses, but then Nicole swallowed hard and passed the baby forward. Waverly could see that her wife’s hands were shaking, and the dark circles beneath her eyes were even more pronounced than usual. But then Wynne was staring up from Doc’s arm and Nicole’s breathing evened out as Wyatt and Willa took their Mama’s hands and squeezed.

 

Waverly smiled again. And Nicole smiled back. It was a tiny step forward. More of a tiny shuffle than a full step. But Waverly felt the movement deep in her soul and for the first time in a long time, she felt like she could stand tall and look towards the future. She crossed the room and wedged herself onto the couch next to Nicole. Willa crawled into her lap and in another second, they were all covered in a blanket. Waverly reached up to run her fingers through Nicole’s hair and when her wife sighed, Waverly did too.

 

“This is a fine baby, you have here.” Doc said, but before Waverly could answer, before Nicole could voice her agreement, Wynonna lurched up from her chair, knocking it backwards.

 

“I slept with Dolls!”

 

Wynne started crying again. Willa asked why Wynonna had a sleepover without her. And Waverly groaned. Loudly. But Nicole laughed. That airy, wind-chime laugh and Waverly couldn’t help but join in.

 

Amidst the baby’s cries and Doc’s hurt face and Willa’s persistent questions, Waverly and Nicole found common ground. Waverly felt a hand tap her hip and she reached down, tangling her fingers with Nicole’s.

 

Long after Wynonna had stormed out and the kids had grown bored and Wynne had spit up all over Doc’s coat, Waverly and Nicole sat side by side. Holding on to each other. With no plan of ever letting go.

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings all! Sorry for the long wait. This will likely be my last fic for sometime. I may write an epilogue for this particular chapter, but work is very busy and I don't want to leave you hanging.
> 
> As today is my birthday (seriously!), do me a favour? Leave me a comment, let me know what you think!
> 
> I'm not on tumblr much these days, but feel free to come find me on twitter (@DameSavage77). And, again, thank you for your support.


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